January 2020
Today marks the third birthday of our first beautiful daughter Ella Rose Argyle. As I sit here at the stroke of midnight and write I shed yet another tear in mourning of our little girl. I have cried more in the last three years than ever before in my life. Before Ella’s arrival and departure I was always that guy who could see the positive in every situation. Facing and taming my fears in my chosen career, numerous counselling sessions to get my head right and an avid reader of hundreds of personal development books. I had consequently moulded myself towards the light, towards the positive and towards the next goal in life no matter what life has thrown at me. Losing such a precious little person has turned my internal life upside down. I feel a cloud of sadness surrounding me at every turn. Underneath the smiles, laughter and joys of life there is an emptiness where my daughter should be. She was born sleeping on the 21.01.17 and my life has never been the same since. Her sister Grace is the light of my life and I never take for granted the gift that is parenthood. Ella’s passing has made me a better father and her mum a better mother to Grace. I/we are saddened that Grace’s big sister can’t be here to guide her, protect her and play with her.
Parents are not supposed to outlive their children.I have met many parents, since we lost Ella, who have lost children to miscarriage, still birth, disease and suicide. We all share a heavy heart and a story that is nothing short of devastating. Would I take back the 34 weeks of anticipation of her arrival, the two days of watching her mum courageously and painfully give birth, the first moment I laid eyes on her, the first time I held her, the six hours that we spent with her as a first time family, organising her funeral within a week of her arrival? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Ella was and is as much a part of our lives as anyone living in the physical plane. Everytime I mention her name, remember her face, shed a tear of sadness, see the tattoos in her memory that adorn my body, see her face in her sisters and catch myself thinking about how beautiful she is - SHE IS WITH ME. I Love and Miss You Sweetheart. Rest In Peace My Angel - Love DAD xxoo