January 2018

Almost 12 months has gone by since our precious little daughter Ella Rose Argyle entered and left the world in the same moment. We have another child due around the same time as Ella’s birthday so I may not get this out on that date so I thought I would share this now.

Since Ella’s birth and death my wife and I have been on an emotional roller coaster beyond anything that we could have possibly imagined or predicted. Along with this journey have been lessons that we have had to learn the hard way and I feel compelled to share those lessons for the benefit of anyone who needs or wants to hear it.

Many people lose children

Since we lost our daughter many people have come forward to my wife and I to share their stories of loss. Miscarriage, Still Birth and SIDS are more prevalent that you could possibly believe until you are part of that world. There are many heavy hearts in our community that have endured great emotional hardship far beyond what the average person can conceive. These are amazing people who inspire others like Suzi and I to learn to live with grief rather than be destroyed by it.

Loss can strengthen and destroy relationships

You would think that death of a child would strengthen the relationship between you and your community, your family and your friends. That’s a BIG NO! 99% of people have been amazingly supportive and sensitive to the loss of our precious girl. All sorts of people from all the different stages of our lives have come forward with love, kindness and support. Unfortunately, the opposite has also presented itself. Some have reached out to us with anger, insensitivity and a complete lack of respect to our well-being and to the memory of our little girl. One thing we have learnt the hard way is that you can’t predict what anyone is going to say. You have to brace yourself, bite your lip and try not to lose your shit when people say dumb things.

Children are not replaceable

Although we have been blessed with another child on the way nothing will replace Ella. Once we held her in our arms and felt her little fingers in our hands we immediately fell in love. She is constantly in our thoughts, we talk about her daily and her memory is alive and well inside our hearts. She is our first child and nothing and no-one can replace that. We have worked very hard to protect her memory in as many ways as possible and don’t regret the small window we had her in our arms. We often say that we if we had our time again we would not take away meeting her. She ‘is’ and not ‘was’ our daughter.

It’s always there

The tragedy of her death is always with us. Once you have held your own dead child in your arms you are forever changed. We have both had trouble sleeping, constantly have nightmares and often cry. People often say that you’re not supposed to outlive your children and I think that there is a lot of truth in that.

If we could have replaced our lives for hers we would have done it in a heartbeat.

Part of my journey in living with the death of our daughter is to share our experience with anyone who wants to listen. And please don’t take this as a pity seeking post. I feel compelled to share and if you don’t like it I respect that. Just be aware and gentle to anyone who loses anyone prematurely. Much Love – Ted xo